My Sad Resemblance To National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

My weekend was the opposite of boring. And by "the opposite of boring" I mean that it was embarrassing, adventurous, and downright frightening.

EMBARRASSING
Here's a confession for you: I've never cooked a turkey. Well, until Sunday. And then I cooked the crap out of a turkey. My wife was at work. I was in charge of making food. This is NEVER, EVER a good idea. EVER.

So I take the turkey out of it's skin-tight bag. Spoiler alert: an uncooked turkey is beyond disgusting. You're telling me I need to stick my hand into a bird's orifice and pull out the neck? And the gizzards? Can we go with Plan B and just get Little Caesar's?

So I cook the turkey. And in my defense it didn't have one of those popper-outer things that tells you when it's done. I took the turkey out of the oven and it looks a chainsaw massacre happened in my oven. You know that scene from the movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswold cuts open the turkey? It was EXACTLY like that. Did I mention that extended family were coming over for dinner? This is what the turkey looked like. BEFORE I cut it. Fail.

FRIGHTENING
Later that night I was walking into my bedroom. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. Then I looked down. AND SAW A SPIDER CRAWLING UP MY SHIRT TOWARD MY NECK. I involuntarily let out this little yelp that sounded not unlike a four year old girl. I slapped that spider off my shirt, whipped off my shoe, and smashed it. And unfortunately my wife heard my little baby yelp.

ADVENTUROUS
I took Jackson and Danica to the Prospector Trail. I couldn't count the number of times I've run here. It's one of my all time favorite trails. It was unbelievably awesome to take them there and show them around.

We saw this big rock on the side of the trail and Dani said "Can I climb up there?" Once she got up she said "Dad, you should come up here too!" And at that moment the lighting was beyond perfect.

It seemed only appropriate that we get a jumping picture along the way. A family that wears Altra shoes together stays together.

In a highly unusual twist of fate there was almost no whining the whole time. I believe the last time that happened was, um, let me think.....never.

We got back to the car as the sun was setting. The sunset was the perfect ending to a perfect adventure.

There was no complaining about the absence of a bathroom. No crying after a trip and fall. And no screaming because a spider was on them. (The scream as the result of a spider would be the next day. And the scream would be from me.)