My Life Without Hostess

Hostess. Has. Gone. Out. Of. Business.

This is a post I never thought I would have to write. The realization that Hostess will never again be a part of my life is hard to swallow. (Even harder to swallow than all those Hostess-wanna-be products.)

Saying we will no longer have Hostess is like saying we will no longer have rainbows. Or grandmas. Or air.

Hostess reminds me of my childhood when our family would sit around the fireplace laughing, hugging, and talking about how awesome MC Hammer was. Okay. All of that is a lie. My parents never brought Hostess home to us. Something about not wanting to rot our teeth….or our blood stream turning into frosting. Blah, blah, blah. But still, Hostess has been part of my life ever since I was old enough to ride my bike to the grocery store with a pocket full of dust bunnies and allowance money.

There is the selfish part of me that is trying to talk myself down from the edge of the cliff. I can’t imagine a cold, dark world without Hostess Cupcakes. But even more gripping is the sad realization that my grandchildren will never be able to taste heaven. And by “heaven” I mean “Hostess Raspberry Filled Powdered Donuts”.

I still can’t believe this is real. I’m waiting for a press release from Hostess saying “Ha ha America! You’re on Candid Camera!” I’m fully expecting Ashton Kutcher to pop out of a closet to tell me I’ve been punked.

I will miss you Hostess. I will never forget you. You will always be a part of me. (Literally, thanks to all your preservatives.)

In the words of the wise philosopher Whitney Houston, “IIIIIeeeeeIIIIIII will always love you!” (Side note: I’d be willing to bet that this was the first time the words “wise” or “philosopher” have ever been used in the same sentence as “Whitney Houston”.) RIP Hostess.